July 7, 2013 | On Growing Older, God’s Grace, and the Things Another Year Has Taught Me

Birthdays have a peculiar way of making ordinary people behave like accountants. Suddenly, we begin calculating everything: how many years we have lived, how many dreams we have accomplished, how many mistakes we have made, and how many ambitions remain stubbornly unchecked on our imaginary lists. We examine the previous twelve months as though life were a financial report requiring annual approval. Successes become assets, disappointments become liabilities, and the future appears as a rather ambitious business proposal whose outcome nobody can guarantee. Meanwhile, somewhere in the middle of this complicated assessment, a birthday cake is waiting to be eaten. Honestly, I sometimes wonder whether we make growing older unnecessarily difficult.

Today, July 7, 2013, I am celebrating my twenty-third birthday.

Twenty-three! Goodness gracious. I can hardly believe it. I remember when turning eighteen seemed like such an extraordinary achievement, as though adulthood would arrive carrying a complete set of instructions and the remarkable ability to make sensible decisions. Five years later, I am beginning to suspect that somebody misplaced those instructions. I still have questions, I still make mistakes, and I occasionally find myself wondering whether I am managing this business of growing up correctly. If adulthood is supposed to involve knowing exactly what one is doing, I would appreciate a little clarification from whoever designed the programme.

Nevertheless, another birthday is here, and I am grateful.

Before thinking about celebrations, presents, or how many greetings I might receive, I want to begin by thanking God for allowing me to experience another year of life. It is something we sometimes acknowledge too casually, perhaps because birthdays arrive so regularly that we begin treating them as guaranteed appointments. Yet every year brings experiences we could never have predicted, people we did not expect to meet, and circumstances that challenge our understanding of what life is supposed to become.

Looking back at my twenty-second year, I can see that it has been filled with changes, uncertainties, and opportunities that have gradually shaped my perspective. Some experiences brought happiness and confidence. Others reminded me that I still have much to learn about patience, responsibility, and accepting circumstances beyond my control. There were plans that developed as I hoped and others that required reconsideration. I made decisions I was pleased with and probably a few that my future self will find entertaining for entirely different reasons.

But perhaps that is simply what another year of living involves.

I am especially thankful for the people who remembered my birthday today. There is something genuinely touching about receiving greetings from family, relatives, and friends who take a moment from their own responsibilities to make somebody else’s day feel special. A message, a letter, a card, a thoughtful gift, or even a simple birthday greeting can become a lovely reminder that we occupy a place in other people’s lives.

I know that birthdays are not competitions in popularity, although social media occasionally behaves as though the number of greetings received should determine one’s annual worth. Personally, I find that a rather exhausting arrangement. I would much rather appreciate the sincerity of those who remember than spend my birthday conducting a statistical analysis of everybody who has not yet sent a message.

After all, people have their own lives.

And I am far too busy becoming twenty-three to begin investigating missing birthday greetings.

What matters to me is the affection behind those gestures. I am grateful for the people who have continued to encourage me, share my ordinary days, and make time for me despite the demands of their own responsibilities. Some have known me since childhood. Others entered my life during college, nursing school, or more recent experiences. Each relationship has contributed something different, and I appreciate the memories we have created together.

I am thankful, too, for my family, whose love and sacrifices have accompanied me through the many stages of growing up. There were times when I was stubborn, impatient, or too concerned with my own ambitions to appreciate everything being done for me. I cannot claim to have been the easiest daughter or relative on every occasion. There were probably moments when my opinions arrived with considerably more confidence than wisdom.

Yet I have been fortunate to receive patience and understanding.

And that is something worth thanking God for.

This past year has also encouraged me to reconsider the meaning of success. For so long, I associated achievement with reaching particular milestones. I wanted to complete nursing school, pass the Nursing Licensure Examination, and eventually begin practising the profession I had chosen. These were important ambitions, and I worked hard towards them.

But I am beginning to recognise that success is not limited to certificates, titles, and accomplishments that can be proudly announced to other people.

Sometimes it involves becoming more responsible. Sometimes it means recognising a mistake before repeating it. Sometimes it requires admitting that we need guidance, even when our pride would prefer to maintain the appearance of complete competence.

And sometimes success is simply having the courage to begin something after spending a long time wondering whether the opportunity would ever arrive.

Recently, I returned to regular nursing duty after approximately eighteen months away from clinical practice. I have met new colleagues, become familiar with a different hospital environment, and started adjusting to the responsibilities of being a Registered Nurse. Only a few days ago, I received my professional nameplate, a seemingly ordinary object that made me unexpectedly happy.

I suppose these are the little milestones that deserve recognition.

A year ago, I was still wondering when certain opportunities would become possible. Today, I am wearing my white uniform again, learning from new experiences, and gradually finding my place within the profession I worked so hard to enter.

There is still an extraordinary amount for me to learn.

But I am grateful for the chance to continue.

Of course, the past year has not consisted entirely of pleasant experiences. There were disappointments, uncertainties, and occasions when I questioned my decisions. I have learned that growing older does not automatically make us wiser, although it provides more opportunities to discover precisely where our judgement requires improvement.

There are mistakes I wish I had avoided.

Conversations I might have handled differently.

Opportunities I could have approached with greater confidence.

And moments when I allowed fear, pride, or unnecessary worry to influence my decisions.

I cannot return to those circumstances and rearrange everything according to what I understand today. The past is rather stubborn in that respect. It refuses to accept corrections, regardless of how thoughtfully we prepare them.

But I can acknowledge my shortcomings and make a genuine effort to approach the coming year differently.

That, perhaps, is one of the things I want to ask God for today.

Not a life entirely free from mistakes, because I suspect that would require a degree of perfection I am unlikely to achieve. Rather, I pray for the humility to recognise when I am wrong, the wisdom to learn from my experiences, and the courage to make better decisions when familiar difficulties appear again.

I also want to become more thoughtful about how I spend my time.

Lately, I have noticed how easily I become occupied with imagining the future. I think about the career I want to build, the places I hope to visit, and the opportunities I would like to pursue. These ambitions are important to me, but sometimes I spend so much time considering what might happen tomorrow that I overlook what is happening today.

Perhaps my twenty-third year should involve a little less worrying and a little more doing.

I want to turn some of my plans into practical actions rather than repeatedly discussing them inside my head. I want to continue learning, become more confident in nursing practice, and make thoughtful choices about the opportunities available to me.

I also want to enjoy the ordinary days between the important milestones.

There is something unfortunate about constantly waiting for the next achievement before allowing ourselves to appreciate life. We imagine that happiness will become more complete after graduation, after obtaining a licence, after securing a job, or after accomplishing another ambition. Yet when those things eventually happen, we often discover another goal waiting just beyond them.

I do not want to spend my entire life preparing to be happy someday.

I would rather learn to recognise the happiness already present in familiar conversations, family gatherings, friendships, and the small pleasures that make ordinary days enjoyable.

Perhaps that is a reasonable birthday resolution.

I am thankful for the moments of joy that made this past year memorable. The laughter shared with friends, the conversations with family, the little achievements, and the experiences that reminded me why I enjoy being alive. Some of these memories may seem insignificant to anybody else, but I know how much they meant to me when they happened.

I am equally thankful for the difficult experiences that encouraged me to examine myself more carefully.

I do not believe every disappointment must be celebrated as though suffering were something we ought to seek. Some situations are simply painful or unfortunate, and I would not pretend otherwise. But I recognise that certain experiences have made me more aware of my limitations, more considerate of other people’s circumstances, and more willing to question assumptions I once accepted without hesitation.

I am still learning how to become a better person.

And perhaps that is something I will continue doing for as long as God allows me to live.

There is also the matter of forgiveness.

I want to ask God to forgive me for the moments when I allowed pride to influence my behaviour, when I failed to appreciate the people around me, and when I neglected opportunities to do something worthwhile. I know there have been occasions when I could have shown greater patience, offered more understanding, or approached a difficult situation with better judgement.

Sometimes we become so occupied with remembering how other people have disappointed us that we forget to consider the ways we may have disappointed them.

I do not want to carry that habit into another year without questioning it.

I hope to become more willing to apologise when necessary, more careful with my words, and more thoughtful about the consequences of my actions. I want to continue valuing kindness without confusing it with the need to please everybody, and I want to develop enough wisdom to recognise when a situation requires patience, honesty, or the courage to establish reasonable boundaries.

These may not be the most exciting birthday wishes.

I realise that asking for wisdom is considerably less entertaining than asking for new clothes, a camera, or a plane ticket to London.

But perhaps I can ask for those things as well.

Surely heaven permits a little variety.

I still have so many dreams I want to pursue. I want to develop my nursing career, travel to unfamiliar places, take photographs, and experience the world beyond the places I already know. London and Paris remain firmly established on my imaginary travel itinerary, although my financial circumstances have not yet demonstrated much enthusiasm for international adventures.

Still, I like having something to look forward to.

Dreams give us direction, but I am learning that they also require patience, preparation, and the willingness to accept that our circumstances may not develop according to the schedule we prefer.

I hope that during the coming year, I will become better at recognising what I can influence while trusting God with the things that remain uncertain.

Faith has been an important part of my journey, particularly during moments when I felt overwhelmed by responsibilities or unsure about the future. I remember praying during my Nursing Licensure Examination review, asking for clarity, strength, and the ability to face the examination with confidence. I remember the encouragement I received from the people around me and the gratitude I felt when an important chapter of my life reached its conclusion.

Now another chapter is beginning.

And I want to approach it with the same willingness to work hard while remembering that my plans are not the only things shaping my future.

I do not know what being twenty-three will bring.

Perhaps there will be exciting opportunities, unexpected friendships, and experiences that become some of my favourite memories. Perhaps there will also be disappointments, difficult decisions, and moments when I need to reconsider what I thought I understood.

I cannot predict everything.

But I can choose how I approach the days ahead.

I can continue developing my knowledge, fulfil my responsibilities with care, appreciate the people who matter to me, and remain open to opportunities that encourage me to grow.

And when circumstances become complicated, perhaps I can remember to pray before allowing my imagination to construct seventeen different versions of everything that might go wrong.

That would certainly make my evenings more peaceful.

As I write this birthday reflection, I find myself thinking about the little girl who once became terribly excited over cakes, presents, and the prospect of being another year older. She probably imagined that adulthood would involve remarkable freedom and a future filled with exciting possibilities.

She was not entirely wrong.

But I doubt she anticipated the paperwork, financial responsibilities, professional uncertainties, and extraordinary amount of thinking that apparently accompany growing up.

If I could speak to her today, I might tell her that life has become more complicated than she imagined, but that there are still plenty of reasons to be excited about it.

There are people who love her, ambitions worth pursuing, and experiences she has not yet encountered.

There are also mistakes waiting to be made, lessons waiting to be understood, and decisions that will eventually make more sense when viewed from a different perspective.

I think she would be pleased to know that I have not abandoned the habit of dreaming.

She might be slightly disappointed that I have not yet visited every place on my travel list.

But I suspect a birthday cake would quickly restore her enthusiasm.

So today, before the celebrations disappear into photographs and another birthday becomes part of my personal history, I want to offer a simple prayer.

Dear Lord, thank You for giving me another year of life and for the people who have made it meaningful. Thank You for my family, my friends, the opportunities I have received, and the experiences that have helped me understand myself and others. Thank You for the joyful moments that brought happiness and for the strength to face difficulties I did not anticipate.

Forgive me for the times I have been careless with my words, impatient with others, or ungrateful for the blessings already present in my life. Forgive the opportunities I neglected through fear or pride, and help me recognise the responsibilities that deserve my attention.

As I begin another year, guide my decisions and give me the wisdom to use my time well. Help me become a more compassionate person, a more responsible daughter and friend, and a nurse whose knowledge and care can make a meaningful difference to the people entrusted to her.

Bless the people I love, protect them through their own difficulties, and allow me to become someone who brings them happiness and pride through the way I live.

Above all, Lord, help me remember that life is Your gift, and that I should treat it with gratitude, responsibility, and faith.

Amen.

And now, having completed my annual consultation with my past, present, and hypothetical future, I believe it is time to attend to a considerably more urgent matter.

My birthday.

I am twenty-three years old today, and although I have not accomplished everything I once imagined, I have been given another year in which to keep trying.

There will be time tomorrow to consider my ambitions, review my plans, and worry about whatever new responsibilities adulthood intends to introduce.

But for today, I would rather enjoy the company of people I love, appreciate the greetings I have received, and perhaps have a slice of birthday cake without calculating how many years remain before my next important milestone.

After all, life has been generous enough to give me another birthday.

It would be rather impolite to spend the entire occasion worrying about the next one.

Happy 23rd birthday to me! Thank You, Lord, for everything.

July 7, 2013 — another candle, another year, and another opportunity to make something meaningful of the days ahead.

— Just Anj, officially twenty-three and still negotiating with adulthood.